How to Speak Duck: English can be converted to Duck easily. Just follow the following rules presented before you. The word "The" is replaced by "Splash", it is exempt from the following rules. The word "And" is replaced by "Flap", it is exempt from the following rules. All other words have all their consonants removed except for the last one. So, Cattle will become Ale. Next step, add a "Qu" to the start of your modified word and add an "ack" at the end. So, it will become Qualeack. The amount of "a"s in the Quack depends on how large the word originally was, so, "Cattle" means "Aaaaaa", so the word Cattle doesn't become the same as the word "Ale" Therefore Cattle ---> Qualeaaaaaack Ale ---> Qualeaaack It is almost completely incomprehensible and impossible to convert back, but it makes you seem like part of the cult, who are already drunk and possibly insane, hard to tell when they're both. The following sentence: I like my sandwiches with cheese and not the pickle. Becomes... Quiack quikeaaaack quyaack quaiesaaaaaaaaaack quihaaaack queeseaaaaaack flap quotaaack splash quileaaaaaack. Which, if said to any duck, they will have no idea what you're saying. But at least you're trying, which is more than can be said for most people.